The word 'homesickness' sounds somewhat funny to me - I mean come on, missing home? What are you - eight and at a friend's sleepover? Judge me all you want but I don't like it. So I suggest we change the term 'homesickness' to something more melodic and deep. Like blues. I now pronounce homesickness - blues.
The blues is like a foxtrot (where am I going with all these references?) - quick quick slow, quick quick slow (I had a lot of dancer friends growing up). It covers you up like a wave or a cold shower and then lets go and yet is still creeping in the background of all your action. I got hit with the blues hard this past week. Why? I don't know. I was stressed, I was sick, my husband was out of town - pick the one you like. But for a few days in a row I kept thinking about home and (I am aware of the fact that I am not three) I missed my family. Mom, quit crying, the post has just started.
Here is how it feels to be an expat (to me): I was living my great life - I decided to leave - my umbilical cord was cut - I had to insert myself in the new environment - I had to blend in with the locals. All these motions PLUS a sneaky/creepy blues constantly at your feet. That is a lot to take in, don't you think?
Living in another country for me is like getting an ice-creaming on a hot beautiful day with the pretties boy in class - absolutely amazing and I would not have changed it for the world. But every expat that you meet has left so much behind: families, friends, old memories, good jobs, unwalked streets of the cities one has never been to... I look back at the road that I am walking on and I think to myself 'Who is this warrior? Where did this warrior finds courage, desire, and strength to go on?' I fiddle in my pockets, take out a mirror and look at the reflection. A girl with hazel eyes looks back at me and gives me a sad lopsided smile. Hi me. Are you taking good care of yourself?
I know that a life of an expat is the life chosen. The experience is so unique and so purifying - you can't really complain, can you? Sometimes we pick the battles we are not ready for yet we fight to the best of our abilities. We have it good - let's just be grateful.
This post feels Thanksgivin-y - don't you think? FRESH FLOWERS! There, now it is a spring post.
Oh! And my best friend is a delivery nurse hence the references. I 'feed' from my real life. Just sayin'.
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